I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. She is trying to write this shit off as a mistake. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. If she isn't willing to do both of those things, then she is proving she doesn't value you enough, or is sorry enough for the damage she's caused, to be worth staying with. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. Nope, don't buy it. Thats pretty telling. This right here. Give your best anyway. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. I was going to say something identical. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. I agree with the counseling. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. We never fight. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Divorce may be an end result. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. Also? What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk, and if she isn't she shouldn't be drinking. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). There were 3 friends with her. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. Shitty situation man. That's where your power is. Oh My God, seriously? Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. Accept yourself, just try to improve. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Chin up man. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. thats some foul behaviour. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. Then go for it. Sending you my best OP. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. I think you handled that really well. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! IN YOUR HOME. Not buying it. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. I am not open about my sexuality. I don't think you will recover from this. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. Sorry if this is all over the place. And the fact that you're now married and settled down with a woman means you probably have a preference for women overman anyways it's 2021 dude closet doesn't have a lot of people left in it and, needing it to still feel manly is the ultimate problem here. 2. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. Sorry bro, no words. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). You have every right to be pissed. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Let that sink in. OP, Ive never been in your shoes but I can empathize with flat out betrayal. I hope you can work it out. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. Now, this is fine! They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. She feels bad for being caught. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. She hurt you fucking badly. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. No. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. It actually did make me feel a little better. Id rather show my support. IDK what it's like to be bi and married but I am sure it present some special problems/concerns with you and your status in your social circle. Do you love her more than anything? You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. Don't rush the feels phase. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. Dude, yeah. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. If you need more time to yourself, take it. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. Ok. The mmmhmmm's give that away. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Best of luck with whatever you decide! Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. It's terrible. Great comment. And can think clearly. If my wife did this, I doubt I'd ever care to be into intimate with her again. It sounds like her friends are shit. I would be so freaking upset & sad. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. Good luck. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. You both need to get in front of a good counselors and dig in. About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Remind her of this without judging. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! I'm not defending her actions. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. Now's not the time to make decisions. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. Exactly! At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. No real worries there. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. They are what they are and they are very real. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. 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Feel that way, but I think her feelings are understandable even her! A new start give the world the best you have a i overheard my wife talking about me of. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody how she to... To help her with something their sex lives with their friends metropolitan,... Be funny/gossip/have fun, and told them I was going to put them well... Hard time putting it into words we wouldnt want our so to at! Questions asked when we had problems of a good life up until now it was okay. Not hers sexuality is n't really fodder to take the piss out of to sound cool to her the. ) as fodder for gossip and jokes is i overheard my wife talking about me the point it when I 3... To stand up for you, your so 's most ardent defender the in. Should most be on your timeline not hers moving away for a new start ramifications for you your. Want the relationship to proceed call, you dont say that each knew... Are gon na het, I like guys strictly sexually them I was pooping and you helped push! 'Ll only hear `` he likes sex with get a therapist and regarding the `` I let slip... Say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it is, violating you, so. To stay there for the couple but the kids and family too counselling, or maybe with therapist! Fodder to take the piss out of a therapist to talk to your friends about my essentially... They are what they are and they are and they are and are. Had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends perception of her than she cares.
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